I Missed Out

Dear So and So,

While my soul is in a coma the world around me continues. Most of the time all I can do is breathe. Sometimes I am lucky and I eat. Sometimes I am lucky and I sleep. Sometimes I remember what it was like to live and not just survive. The reality of the difference crushes me.

          I am the worst friend to have. Selfishly digging for scraps of food and ungrateful for that food which I do get. I never call, I never text, because I lay here wondering how long I have left to force myself to breathe again. There are flashes of hope; that one person who cares and loves me, but when they are living I have nothing to sponge off from them.

          Their face changes. Once they pass it is the silence again. The dark ceiling that presses into your psyche and all you want is sleep and freedom from the endless stream of memories. I used to be fully human, fully living. Yet here I am and I am left to the effort of filling and emptying my lungs again and continue the passing of time, and continue the use of energy that makes my body need more fuel.

          Please stop. Please stop needing fuel. Please stop consuming and giving nothing in return. Please stop being a vegetable. I wanted a living will. Is this not the same as life support? Please pull the plug. I fade away because all I do is take. I know this because you never need me, much less want me. I am so very sorry.

Love,
Needy Little Zombie