Anticipation

You wait, and you wait, you check, and then you check again. Maybe you missed it, you check again. Maybe you let it slip your mind too long, check again. It's been long enough, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, you check again... You count how many times you've checked because something is wrong...

Something you long for is missing. It should be there but you are wanting. You are less without it; a breath has yet to be breathed. Where is it? Maybe something changed, maybe, just maybe, you looked for it incorrectly, check again, okay, one more time... Maybe... it is no more. Now your life is different. Now you mourn a loss. You must find a way to move on.

Now you anticipate nothing. You wait for nothing. You hear, feel, and see nothing. You wake to nothing. You dream of nothing. You live for nothing, yet here is another breath. You miss waiting, and checking, it was better than nothing. There was hope and a painting. There was vision and a path. There was a plan, formless or solid, but steps to be taken, nonetheless. Did you ever ask?

Where did it go? What changed? How much time would, should, could pass until next time? Was something wrong? Could something have helped it along? Should something have changed? Did something finally kill it? Does life have a chance without sustenance? Does a river contintue to run without a source?

Did I forget to say how much it means to me? Did I forget to boast about how beautiful and wonderous it is? Did I forget to mention what a grand gift this is? Did I ever conclude it is such a necessary thing to have around? Was I ever thankful? Maybe I just lied when it was asked of me. Maybe it was always nothing at all. Maybe I was being nice, and it never came to mind at all. Maybe I never wanted or needed it at all.

Who needs extra baggage? Who wants excess fat? A simple life is easier, all this extravagance is for the rich and the fools. No need for that, my friend, keep your silly trinket! Oh no, pal, not today, sorry move along. That's okay, much more important things to cover, thanks. Ah, yes, just the thing to collect some dust in the attic. No, no, no trouble at all, just something to pass the time.

What's that you say? Your soul? What about it? Aah, well, little one, I am afraid you have been wasting your time. We have no room for that nonsense here. Now, please, grow up and make yourself useful. Put away those silly toys. Come, let's go do something a bit more reasonable, leave that for simpler times.

So sad you wasted so much of that "soul" on something so meaningless. Didn't anyone tell you? It's way past midnight and yes, that is indeed a pumpkin and some mice. No, that was just a bedtime story. You're not a child anymore. I took you for granted? Ha, don't be silly child, it makes no difference to me and my life. Now out you go into a brave new world, no more coddling here. Yes, good bye then.